i need an iv and a liver transplant
P.S. I can't hear my feet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
