She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
