alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
