In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
