i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
