the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
