4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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