I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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