yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
