Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
