I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
