Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
