dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
