So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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