Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
