My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I stole a fireplace last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
