I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
