its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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