Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
