So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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