he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
