There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
