I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
