i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
