i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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