A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
