isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
