I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
and you fell through a lawn chair
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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