dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
