he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
