come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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