I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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