that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize