You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
