She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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