maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
