You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
