Just cropdusted the office
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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