Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
