By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
