Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
