I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
