If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
