Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
