Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
