break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
