I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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