how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The uberlube is also flammable
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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