I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
