Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
