so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
