Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
