just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
