I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
