He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
