me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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