ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
