blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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