I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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