she peed on how many people?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
