Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
