1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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