and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
