i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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