I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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