just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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