very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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