I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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