You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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