If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
