And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
