i jhust puked up my retainher.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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