I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize