I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
