GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize